Ecchi Paradise
by VolumeofForgottenLore
Summary: KakashixOC. Kakashi stared at the door in front of him. The sign read ECCHI PARADISE. This was it. His Haven. It would be perferct if it wasn't for a bipolar girl named Allison with very perverted best friends...
1. Chapter 1

"Maa, maa. What do we have here?" Kakashi looked at the sign of a shop that spelled out in bright, orange letters:

ECCHI PARADISE!

Kakashi stood transfixed, gazing lovingly at the store with his one uncovered eye. His entire being went rigid; his breath shallow. It was his haven. His calling. His…Ecchi Paradise.

"This…can't be an illusion." The copy-nin narrowed his eye as he thought about all the possibilities of this shop being an illusion. If it was a hoax, he promised that whoever set up the genjutsu would die a painful, slow death, complete with torture devices and genjutsu's designed to make the receiver see Orochimaru naked, dancing the Waltz with a polar bear. Yea. It seems Kakashi took the time to have situations planned in case anyone tried to fool him. Ha.

"But, just to make sure…" Kakashi tentatively lifted up his headband, revealing his Sharingan eye. He activated it and scanned the front of the shop.

"No signs of a jutsu."

Kakashi jumped onto the roof of the store and checked up there.

"No traps or anything."

Jumping down and off the roof, Kakashi scanned the passerby's.

"No one seems suspicious."

Happy with this evaluation, Kakahsi once again looked at the shop…and immediately started to blush. 'Ohohohoh. Wonder what you will have in store for me…my precious.' Kakashi lowered his headband back down and walked towards the small store, intent on smothering himself with it's ecchi-ness.

Kakashi stepped into the shop, hearing a bell ring, alerting the workers of his presence. He quickly took in the appearance of the store. The walls were a soft sea-foam green. Along the walls were rows and rows of different books. The store had three isles; on dedicated to movies, music, and action figures. The farthest wall held interesting items, such as live blow-up dolls of different characters from a book or movie. All in all, paradise. Ecchi paradise.

The copy-nin quickly strolled over to the left wall, where they were selling Icha-Icha Paradise books. Maybe they had the latest installment.

"Welcome." A timid voice spoke from behind Kakashi.

The jounin felt sweat collect on his forehead. How was he not able to feel the presence of this person? He collected himself and turned around to greet the person.

"Hello. I am Hatake…"

Kakashi found himself staring at air. The person was gone. Kakashi slowly pierced his brow. 'Should I activate my Sharingan again?' Kakashi started to reach for his headband, when…

"Oh. My. GOD!!" He heard a shriek in his ear. He turned to look and saw a girl grasping a familiar looking orange book. Kakashi shot his arm to his pouch, and found his precious item missing.

"Hey you bit-"

"OH MY GOD!!!! This is the special edition Icha-Icha Paradise: Lovers of the Night! And is it…OH MY GOD IT IS!!!!!! IT'S AUTOGRAPHED BY JIAIRYA-SAMA!!!!!!"

Kakashi stared wide eyed at the girl and slowly backed away from her. She was starting to scare him. While he was thinking a retreat to the nearest exit would be a good idea, the girl turned to him, fire in her eyes, and she stepped right up into his face, nose barely an inch away.

"Did you meet Jiairya-sama? Is he young? Old? Funny? Dull? Perverted? Oh please tell me he is!!!!" the girl rambled on and on.

'Must make an escape. Knew this place was too good to be true.' Kakashi, being the excellent ninja that he was, knew how to escape death, and did so on numerous occasions. He escaped a fight with Zabuza, Orochimaru, Itachi and Kisame, Tsunade's breasts and other such dangerous missions. But never has he ever had to face an ecchi fangirl. Fangirls are the most dangerous species known to man. They also seemed to protect each other like a disease. Anger one, and 10 more will show up to beat up the offender. Like a talking, perverted cancer of some sort.

So now you see Kakashi's dilemma. He really wanted his book back, but prying it from the fangirl's hands might anger the beast. He could leave without his book, but then the beast might get mad and send her minions out to get him. And he would be short a book. It was like treading on thin ice. There was only one thing left to do.

Kakashi slowly reached for his kunai holster with the intent to kill the beast, but stopped short. The girl had her eyes pinned on his hand. Kakashi whipped his hand away from his holster but it was too late.

"Please don't tell me…" Her eyes began to water.

"No. I wasn't reaching for my holster for a very sharp kunai to kill you." Kakashi insisted scratching the back of his head, but apparently his comment went unnoticed because the girl talked throughout his sentence.

"…that you have more signed books. Oh. My. God." The girl was red with the thought of having touched two books that Jiairya-sama personally handled. And then…she fainted.

Kakashi stared down at the unconscious girl. 'Well that takes care of one problem.' He reached down to pry his book from her hands, but her fingers were locked around the orange gem. 'Oh please don't let this be happening to me.' Kakashi pulled on the book with both hands, but only succeeded in losing his balance and falling right on top of the girl. His eye widened and his cheeks reddened. Up close, she didn't look so much like a beast. Kakashi stood up and looked at the girl again. Nope, not a beast. She was only about 4 inches shorter than him, with mahogany brown hair cut in layers at shoulder length. She wore a blue belly shirt, covered by the standard jounin vest. She wore her headband in her hair as a hair tie, but let her bangs loose from the fabric. She wore the standard ninja sandals. Her pants were knee length spandex covered by a blue skirt, with a long slit in the middle. He peered closely at her headband and discovered she was from the Village Hidden in the Mist.

"No matter." Kakashi pulled out a kunai and stared at he girls wrists. 'If I can cut off her hands without her noticing…' He placed a hand on her wrist and brought up his other hand, holding the kunai. Just as he was about to bring his arm down, deep green eyes opened up and stared at him. Kakashi swiftly hid his arm behind his back, let go of her wrist and tried to smile. The girl blinked back up at him.

"Oh. I'm sorry." She pulled herself up. "Oh. This is yours." She handed him back his book and then proceeded to dust the dirt off of her.

Meanwhile, Kakashi was hyperventilating. First he comes into the store and is attacked by a raging fangirl. Then she goes berserk on him and steels his precious. Then faints. And now she has the nerve to wake back up and say 'Oh. Sorry.'? What they hell was that? This girl was freaking crazy, and most definitely bipolar.

The girl brushed her hands against her skirt and looked up at him. Kakashi found himself looking into deep-sea green eyes. Kakashi fought to hold off a blush.

"Ha. Sorry. Welcome to Ecchi Paradise. I am Allison, and I own this wonderful paradise." The girl who now has a name, that name being Allison, leered at Kakashi.

Kakashi was a little weary this time. He eyed the girl up and down, scrutinizing her. She…seemed normal. "I am Hatake Kakashi."

"Kaka-chan!" Allison immediately threw herself upon the man. "SO, you have met the wonderful hermit, yes?"

Kakashi flew from the girls arms. BIPOLAR!!!!!!

"What the HELL is wrong with you?"

Allison, who was picking herself up off from the floor, looked at Kakashi weird. "What do you mean?"

'You have got to be kidding me.' Kakashi felt his mouth twitch. 'Must. Leave. Now.'

"Well, um…you don't have anything I need here…so I'll…just…leave." Kakashi sprinted to the door and was about to leave when he heard Allison utter words that he oh so longed to hear.

"I have the Hentai's Holy Grail."

Kakashi stopped dead in his tracks. She had…the Hentai's Holy Grail? It was near impossible to find, only 12 ever made. 11 of those twelve, Jiairya owned, and hid them in places no one would ever find. Kakashi had a sneaking suspicion that Gamabunta swallowed them, but he could never be to sure.

Slowly turning around, Kakashi looked at the bipolar girl. "You own, the Hentai's Holy Grail?"

She nodded slowly, as if explaining something simple to a little child.

"Can…can I see it?"

Allison smirked. Kakashi didn't even need to use his sharingan to clearly see her lips move to form those words he longed to hear…

"No." She whispered.

Kakashi fell on his face. 'Did…did she just say…No?' This could not be happening. Kakashi started hyperventilating (again). 'This…can't be. I must resolve the situation'. He straightened up and smiled, though he realized his mask hid the effect. He coughed and watched her turn to him.

'Good. I shall do this in a dignified manner' "WHY? Please, please, please!!! I wanna seeeee!" He whined, falling to his knees.

Allison looked triumphant in a disgusted type of way. "No." She crossed her arms and walked to the back of the store, organizing the erm…collectibles. Kakashi was staring at air. Never before, had someone, especially a woman, turn him down. He would have to change this. He crept up silently behind her, intent on knocking her out, taking her to Ibiki the interrogation on the location of the Hentai Holy Grail.

"Hatake-san…please, if you insist on attacking me from behind, I will be forced to do something you really wouldn't want me to do." She turned around and leered at him.

Kakashi broke out into cold sweat. How in the HELL did she detect him? He was Hatake Kakashi!!!!! The Copy-nin! The Silent Pervert!!!! Teacher of the Hokage (Naruto) and 2 new Sannins (Sasuke and the Pink-haired annoyance). And this…this THING detected him?

"Ah. You caught me." He answered, perfectly sure that the girl was unaware of his thoughts.

"Hatake-san? Just because you are Hatake Kakashi, the Copy-nin, the Silent Pervert, and teacher of our Hokage and his subordinates the Sannins, does not mean that I can't detect you. You aren't taking me seriously." She flipped her hair over her shoulder and turned to face him. "Why are you still here? You said I had nothing you want. Unless, there's something else?"

Kakashi hesitated. He couldn't outwardly beg for the Hentai Holy Grail again…it would diminish what dignity he had left with this girl. And he couldn't steel it. The Hentai Holy Grail only showed itself to those who were worthy, and the worthy ones were able to share it with the world. So he couldn't go with his original plan and kill Allison. But what if he…made a trade? No. That would be avarice and greed, and the Hentai Holy Grail probably wouldn't find him worthy enough to look at it. There was only one thing left to do.

"Allison?"

"What?"

"You must have read the Icha Icha series?"

Her eyes turned to fire again and she started to go into fangirl mode. Kakashi wanted to stop her before she went too far.

"Wanna have lunch and discuss it?"

Allison came back down to earth and looked at Kakashi. She then smiled. "Sure. I'm on break anyway."

Kakashi bowed, allowing her to pass him to get to the door. They stepped out into the afternoon light. Allison was ready for lunch, while Kakashi was doing the only thing he could do to get to the Hentai Holy Grail. Become friends with the beast.


	2. Chapter 2

Kakashi sat there, looking at the girl with suspicion. The couple was now seated at Ichiraku, and Kakashi was a little wary of Allison. She had not spoken on their 3 minute trip down the road to the restaurant. Something was amiss.

"What would you like to order?" Amane, the daughter of the owner of the restaurant, asked them, but she was mainly looking at Kakashi. 'I wonder if I get to see his face today!' She thought dreamily.

Kakashi tore his eyes from Allison and looked at the blushing girl before him. Amane was a sweet and quiet girl, never spoke out of line, and was always helpful. It also helped that she gave him free food from time to time. They also had a deep connection. She was the only woman to ever see his face. He of course, went to her house late in the night and performed a jutsu on her that would blur her memory of that day, but still…

"One miso ramen and…" He trailed off, looking at Allison.

She smiled at Amane and said "Pasta please. No sauce, just nice melted butter and parmesan cheese." Her eyes gained a hungry glint in them as she thought of the prospect of pasta.

Amane cocked her head to the side in confusion. "What's pasta?"

Allison blanched. Did this girl not know what pasta was? No. That isn't possible. EVERYONE knew what pasta was. "Ohahah. Such a kidder. But please, I would like my pasta now."

Amane blinked. "I seriously don't know what you mean."

Allison's face turned stone hard. "Don't play with me bitch! Tell me where the pasta is or I'll kill you!" To prove her point Allison stood up and pulled out a kunai from Kakashi's holster.

"Hey!" Kakashi made a grab at Allison but the girl had already jumped over the counter and stood in an offensive position, fixing Amane with a deadly glare. "Show me the pasta."

Amane was freaking out. She really had no idea what 'pasta' was. Tears in her eyes, Amane turned to Kakashi for help, but he sat there with a funny look in his eye, gazing at Allison. Amane thought that Kakashi was scared stiff by the girl, but in reality, Kakashi was admiring Allison for being able to take a weapon from his pouch without him noticing it until it was in her hand. That girl was good.

"O…onegai. Please…I have NO idea what you are talking about." Amane cowered from Allison who was advancing on her.

Allison glared at the sobbing girl. And as she saw the fear in her eyes, Allison's mind thought the impossible. 'She really doesn't know what pasta is.' Allison's eyes glazed over as she took in this information. How could this be? How could this girl whose life was about noodles, not know what pasta is? She felt something in her mind snap.

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT PASTA IS!!!!!!!!!!" Allison charged at the girl, intent on killing the Antithesis of Pasta, when something caught her from behind. She turned her head to see Kakashi grinning back at her. He held her waist in his left arm, and her armed hand with the other. She blushed automatically. This position was just like the one used in Icha Icha Paradise: The Killers of Love, where the girl tried to kill her secret lover's mother and then he held her and then…

"Gah!! Blood!" Amane screamed as a jet of blood streamed down Allison's nose. Kakahsi let go of her with a slight blush, as he too recognized the position they were in.

Allison glanced shyly at Kakashi before wiping her nose with her handkerchief that she kept with her for emergencies such as this one. "Well…" Allison sniffed and looked at Kakahsi and Amane.

"Are…are you okay?" Amane whispered, afraid to anger Allison.

"Yes. Couldn't be better. Now." She stared long and hard at Amane. "I have heard from others that you don't know what pasta is." She shook her head sagely.

Kakahsi sweat-dropped. This girl was nuts.

"And I, being the Messiah of light and hope when it comes to all things Pasta-y, have come to save your soul from utter damnation, for not knowing the Craft of Pasta, is a mortal sin." Allison looked at Amane and smiled gently. "Let us begin young grass-hopper."

Amane began to panic as Allison moved closer towards her. Was she going to bite her head off? She suppressed a sigh of relief as Allison walked right by her, and to the stove and counter at the back of the store.

"Follow, Obi-wan." Allison said as she washed her hands. Amane looked at Kakashi and he gave her a helpless look. She resigned herself to her fate and followed Allison.

"First, you must knead the dough. I suspect that you can at least do that." Allison sneered as she kneaded the dough. Amane followed suit and soon, there was a nice batch of the starchy goodness ready to boil.

"Now, add water." Allison instructed and watched as Amane poured the noodles into the boiling water. The girl turned to Allison, seeking approval.

"Not bad young grasshopper. You could have been a little less sloppy while pouring the noodles into the water, but you have done well." Allison gazed at the boiling pot lovingly.

Amane's lips twitched into a cynical smile. How dare the bitch talk about how she poured noodles into a pot. But she didn't want to anger the beast. Who knows what would happen. "What do we do now?"

Allison turned slowly towards the girl and sighed. "Patience, young grasshopper, is the key to creating the perfect pasta. No patience, no key, no way to make the perfect pasta." Then she turned around as if that explained everything.

Amane turned to Kakashi to see what he thought of Allison's statement. She was shocked to find his eye glued to the girl. This can not be!! Is that multiple-personality beast more interesting and pretty? Amane wanted to cry. They were supposed to have a future together. One boy who looked just like his father, only with his mother's hair, and a girl who would be the perfect replica of her mother, but with her mother's hair. And they would be able to see in the dark and stuff!!! Amane narrowed her eyes in determination, intent on salvaging her future. She stood up straight and tightened the sash on her apron, making her curves more noticeable. She took of her kerchief and flipped her hair seductively. Now ready for battle, Amane sauntered over to Kakashi, planning to dazzle him with her charm.

In the mean time, Kakashi was thinking about Allison. She was…odd. That would be the only way to describe her. Odd. He watched Allison sit down in front of the stove Indian-style, and she placed her hands on her knees, palm facing upwards. She then started to whisper words that sounded suspiciously like "Our pasta, who art in thy pot, delicious be thy name. Thy noodles be done, but not overdone, on a plate, and into my belly. Give us this day, our daily starch, and lead us not into starvation, but deliver us from hunger. And forgive those who know not the Craft of Pasta, as we forgive those who eat our lunch. In the name of the Pasta, the butter and cheese, for ever and ever, Tuck In." Kakashi blanched. The girl was _whispering_ a prayer to the pasta? Crazy! But he couldn't really talk. He too, had his own little prayer when it came to his Icha Icha Paradise. Kakashi blushed, and now focused his attention on Amane…who was right in front of him, in a very promiscuous pose…and in the background he could see sparkles.

Amane was annoyed that Kakashi just realized that she was standing there. She had been there in a promiscuous pose, with the sparkling background and everything, for the past 4 minutes. "Kakashi-san." More sparkles "Is there anything" small fireworks "that I can get you?".

Kakashi looked at the other odd girl. All the sparkles and fireworks in the background were beginning to hurt his eyes. "Yes. May I have some sunglasses?"

Amane made a face at the request and looked around the shop, trying to remember if there were any sunglasses around. She then shook her head. Why would sunglasses be in a ramen shop? She then had an epiphany!! Kakashi was soooooo innocent, that he wouldn't even know that someone was coming onto him if it hit him in the balls!!! She completely forgot that Kakashi was an avid reader of Icha Icha Paradise. So she decided to come on a little bit stronger.

"Kakashi!!" Battering of eyelashes "Is there anything specific" leer "That only a specific woman" a little booty shake "can specifically give to you?" There wasn't anymore Amane could do accept full out kiss the man. A light bulb appeared in her head.

Kakashi wasn't even paying attention to Amane anymore. He was thinking about finally finding the Hentai Holy Grail. Allison was the only person to give him what he has always wanted. And by all things Holy and Pasta, he would get it. So caught up in his thoughts, he didn't even see the Lips of Doom coming down to meet his mask (Amane forgot about his mask).

Right when Amane was only millimeters away from Kakashi's face, she was jerked back and she heard a clang.

"Pasta. Is. Done." Allison bit out. Allison still had her hand in Amane's hair from when she grabbed the slut, and the clang had been a huge plate of buttered pasta being put down on the counter between the Pervert and the Slut. "Lunch is served!" Allison smiled sweetly and gave a pair of chopsticks to Kakashi. He looked at the noodles with suspicion. She might have done something to them. But he then remembered how much she loved pasta, and decided that she would never disgrace it. He picked up a noodle and held it up to his face. Allison was already eating. When Allison ate pasta, a bomb could explode behind her, she wouldn't have even noticed. So Kakashi deemed it safe to pull down his mask and enjoy the meal the odd one made for him. No one noticed (or cared) where Amane went. Allison smirked and looked under the counter, where she still had a tight grip on the pathetic girl's hair.


	3. Chapter 3

"That was delicious Kaka-chan!" Allison sighed as they walked back towards her shop. "And that poor poor girl, not knowing what pasta was. Kakashi?" Allison turned her wide eyes towards Kakashi in question.

"Hn?"

"Was Amane you know…neglected as a child?" Allison whispered, not wanting prying ears to catch her statement.

Kakashi fought back a chuckle. Oh yes. Allison was an odd one. "No." He took one look at the confusion on her face and allowed himself a slight chuckle.

"Kakashi! That is not funny. That girl could have been horribly abused as a child and all you do there is stand there and laugh?" Allison sniffed at Kakashi's horrible behavior and stomped off towards her shop. She turned and saw that Kakashi was still laughing. Cheeks red and puffed out, she entered her paradise and closed the door.

And while Allison was trying to prove a point, Kakashi was now openly laughing. It was just so funny to him that just because the girl didn't know how to make some foreign food, Allison thought the girl had been neglected as a child. He continued to laugh until he felt a cramp in his side. 'Slow down Kakashi my boy. Don't wanna injure yourself.' Kakashi slowed his breathing until he felt the pain subside.

"Now Allison…"He turned to where the girl was last standing but instead found a crowd of people looking at him with something akin to fear in their eyes.

"Are you alright Kakahsi-sensei?" Someone asked from the mound of people.

Kakashi blinked in confusion. "Maa maa. I'm fine." He then turned to Ecchi Paradise and opened the door, leaving the crowd of people to wonder if Kakashi knew he was stepping into a lioness den.

"Allison!" He sing-songed, walking around the shop. He heard a movement toward the back of the shop. Kakashi strode towards the noise when he felt a movement behind him. He turned around, unsheathing a kunai in the process. Nothing. "Maa, maa Kakashi. Calm down." He muttered and resumed his walk to the back of the shop, though he never put his kunai away. He was almost there when he heard a giggle to the left of him, in the next isle over. It didn't sound at all like Allison's slightly maniacal, though oddly endearing giggle. "Another customer." He thought and continued to walk to the back. He completely ignored the fact that Allison had locked the door when they left for lunch, therefore no one could get in the store, and no one had walked in after him. There was the thirty second period between Allison storming off and him laughing, but still, he would have felt that person's presence. But of course, this was all ignored.

He was just at the end of his isle when the lights when out. Kakashi's eye widened and he held his armed hand out in front of him, taking on a defensive position. He moved slowly to lift up his left arm and uncover his sharingan eye so he could see in the dark. He scanned the area, but saw no chakra signals. Odd.

"Ohehohehoheho!" Someone chuckled in the dark. Kakashi tightened his grip on his weapon and turned towards the sound. It was directly behind him. He turned around and saw nothing.

"Alicia!" A voice scolded out of the darkness, this time right next to Kakashi. He turned to his left. Nothing.

"What?" The voice sounded strained, as if the person was trying to hold back a laugh.

"Turn the damn lights back on!" The voice was above him now. He jumped back, prepared for an aerial attack, but again…nothing. Kakashi was really starting to get aggravated.

"But Danaaaa! You know how I like the dark." The person who's name should be Alicia whined.

"I don't give a damn! Turn the damned lights back on. Your scaring Allison's prey…Kakashi away." The person who's name should be Dana answered. "And besides, Allison said not to mess with this one."

"But she never said we couldn't-"

"Don't do anything." Dana said in a clear voice.

Alicia sighed somewhere. Kakashi had decided to put his weapon away since it was clear that those two weren't going to do anything. He sat down on the floor and pulled out a copy of Icha Icha, happy that he could read in the dark.

"But Dana. I still don't wanna turn on the lights." Alicia whined.

There was silence, but then Dana spoke up. "How about later, we find a nice dark corner for you to sit in? And then we will give you all the yaoi you want."

There were a few seconds of contemplation, and then the lights were back on. Kakashi jumped back. Directly in front of him were two girls.

"Hiya!" They said in unison. One of the girls was blond, her hair cut short but her bang swept low onto her left eye. She wore fishnet over a black wonder bra and mini-skirt, with bandages wrapped around her thighs. As he stared at her face, he realized that she was one of the few female that actually wore her headband around her forehead. It told him that she was from Rock country. She had black sandals on and blue eyes that were reminiscent of another blond ninja.

"Are you two related?" Kakashi thought.

"Who? Us?" Alicia and Dana looked at one another and started to laugh. Apparently Kakashi's thought wasn't as secretive as he thought it was. But still, they didn't need to laugh. "It's not that funny." Kakashi pouted, but his lip was immediately pushed back because of his mask, thereby ruining the effect.

"Hell yea it is." Alicia said. He looked at her, and then blushed sheepishly. It was really funny when you looked at them. Alicia was brown skinned, Iruka's complexion, with dark brown eyes. She had shoulder length brown hair with bangs that crossed from the left side of her head to the right. She wore a black turtle neck that covered the tip of her chin, with a dark blue vest over it. Her bottoms were camouflage Capri's with black and blue instead of green and brown. She wore lace up army boots that reached her calf. He couldn't see her headband.

"Are you a ninja? Or are you playing dress up?" Kakashi eyed the girl with distaste.

Alicia had a smirk on her face. "Oh…you don't wanna know where I put my headband." She snickered. Dana hit her in the back of the head.

"Idiot. She keeps it on the back of her boots." Alicia spun around and sure enough, on the heel of both of her boots was metal pieces that told her to be from Waterfall country.

"We are friends of Allison!" They both said.

Kakashi nodded and turned back to his book. He lifted it in front of his face to block out the sight of the two girls in front of him and turned the page. That's when…it happened.

"OH MY GOD!!!" The two girls lunged at him.

Kakashi looked up with horror in his eyes. Apparently Allison was able to convert more into her demon cult!!

"Oh god, there are more of you!!" He scrambled up and jumped out of the way. Noticing that their target changed positions, the girls looked at each other and gave a conspiratorial nod to each other and disappeared. Kakashi immediately uncovered his eye and searched the area. He saw traces of chakra, which meant only one thing. That the girls were moving so fast that even his sharingan couldn't keep up with them. The situation was not good.

"ATTACK!!" Kakashi looked up and saw a whir of black and blond. And that was the last thing he saw.


	4. Chapter 4

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Kakashi felt black. Was that even possible? Well…that was what he felt. He also saw black. But it wasn't because he was in some state of consciousness where he is waking up from a deep, disturbingly vague dream that left him clueless as to what the previous events were. He was blindfolded.

He tried to move, but found that he was bound to a chair.

"No. Not…S&M" Kakashi began to struggle. There was only one thing left to do…he would have to chew through his own stomach to escape the bindings; of course he forgot that he was trained ninja and that he was able to escape from much worse situations. He was about to bare his teeth…when he remembered that he still had his mask on.

"Okay then…first the mask…then the sinew and organs." He started to work on his mask, and had succeeded in tearing through a thread, when he heard the squeak of a door. "Who's there?" He did not want to take part in those two freaks sick fantasies.

"Kakashi?" A familiar voice reached his ears.

'O, thank god. Someone slightly sane.' "Allison! Help!"

He heard Allison still. Then a maniacal chuckle. "You just wait right there…I'll go get my whip." He heard fast paced footsteps run out the room, and then return. "I forgot. I left them by the poker behind you." He felt her near him, and soon she was close enough for him to feel the soft brush of her hair against his face. "Aha!" She jumped back and he heard the crack of leather against the floor.

"HELL NO!" He began to thrash in his bindings, hoping that by sheer will alone he would be able to break free.

"No?" Allison sounded a little put out. "What about handcuffs?"

"…no."

"Leather thong?"

"Hell no."

"…chocolate syrup?"

Kakashi seemed to think about this for a moment. "Hm. I'm on a diet…low cal?"

"No…double fudge."

"BACK THE HELL AWAY FROM ME BITCH!"

Kakashi threw himself back so hard that he ended up tilting backwards in the chair, and eventually fell over, banging his head hard against the concrete.

"Hn." He grunted.

"Kakashi?"

Kakashi slowly turned his head towards the voice. "How is it that you are one of the best ninjas ever, and can't escape from a simple rope and defeat two yaoi-crazed girls?"

"Because that's how it works." Kakashi answered, his head pounding from the curse of the evil floor.

"Kakashi?"

'The bitch is still talking?' "WHAT?"

He felt Allison cringe at his raised voice. "What's that on your chest?"

"Hm…you know what…I think it is…huh…you know what I just remembered? I'm FREAKING BLINDFOLDED!"

Kakashi was through. Hentai Holy Grail be damned. He had had enough. He spent the entire day being molested, dealing with a pasta crazed freak and her two freaky friends, bound and blindfolded, assaulted by a floor and now was being asked dumb-ass questions. He was done.

Kakashi hung his head in defeat. "Could you please just…untie me?"

There was silence. He was about to ask again when her felt the blindfold being pulled away from his eyes. He blinked a few times to get used to the bright light. The first object that he was able to focus on was Allison's worried face looking at him…only 6 inches away.

"GYAAA!"

"Your gonna have a nasty knot on the back of your head." She murmured feeling around the back of his head, gently prodding at his skull. "Want an ice pack?"

Kakashi looked at the girl and was about to yell at her for having the nerve to held a small injury, but putting him through hell. But he couldn't. Not with the concern on her face. "Nah."

"M'kay. Brace yourself." She reached up behind his head and grabbed the back of the chair. Pulling into an upright position she stood back and loomed over him. "Kakashi…we need to talk."

Oh god. The dreaded four words that every man would rather withstand torture than have to deal with those four words. It meant that feelings would be shared and they would have to talk…which he really didn't want to do. But Kakashi quickly reminded himself that those four words were only the devil's words if he were in a relationship with Allison, and it is a proven fact that he was not.

"First is…you have a note on your chest saying "Screw me…I'm Irish."

Kakashi whipped his head down and saw a piece of cheap looking paper taped to his chest with those crude words written in a messy scrawl.

"Well…that's new."

Allison sighed and looked at Kakashi with pity. "You met my friends right? Alicia and Dana."

Kakashi shuddered as he remembered the rabid girls. He thought that they were on his side of the Sanity Meter. "Traitors." He spat.

"Yes, those are the ones. Well Dana has a unique kind of jutsu."

"Can I copy it?" Kakashi asked. He just loved learning new jutsus.

"No. Not because you can't…but because you can't. You know the whole 'Scream and Attack' thing she does?"

Kakashi nodded.

"It's a jutsu that impairs on the ears, which messes with the nerves in the brain. And then she is able to manipulate how far she pulls you into her jutsu by adjusting her tone accordingly." Allison stated solemnly.

"Huh?" Kakashi was confused.

"It knocks you out. But she knows how to prolong it. She could have screamed two hours ago and you would just be feeling the effects now. It's difficult to explain. If you want to know more then ask Dana."

"No." Kakashi did not want to be near the banshee anymore.

Allison chuckled. "And that is why you can't copy the jutsu. One…you don't know which screams are jutsu screams. Two…you can't reach those notes unless…"Allison trailed off and looked at a very private part of Kakashi. "And you might have been knocked out by her voice before you could even figure out what she was doing."

Kakashi nodded in agreement. "Shouldn't she be from sound?"

Allison laughed. "Oh she is. But then she met some guy from Rock country and fell in love and went with him. His name is…Daradei? No…Dreida? No…"

"DEIDARA?" Kakashi' mind was reeling. Was she the girlfriend of the S-class-anbu who works with Akatsuki?

"Don't judge. But yes…that is his name." Allison snickered. She just loved surprising people. "And as for Alicia…she's kind of…different."

Oh yes…Kakashi definitely remembered that girl.

"Well…she likes getting into peoples head. Like the Yamanaka's. But she is a bit more…sadistic with it. She treats her gift more like a puzzle than a weapon. A play thing."

Kakashi eyes widened. This was the girl he thought was sane?

"And she can manipulate the mind. Like take away memories or add them. I remember one time waking up thinking that I had to go save the world and my name was 'Pastagal' and that the other day I had defeated the evil lord who tried to take over the world named 'Ramenator'." Allison laughed at this memory.

"Did she do something to my mind?!" Kakashi was in shock. She was worse than Itachi!

"No…well…not something I wouldn't have approved of anyway." Allison mumbled the last part. Before Kakashi could say anything she cut in and said "But she saw your thoughts."

"And."

"You were only being nice to me because of the Hentai Holy Grail." Allion narrowed her eyes.

'I'm dead'. Kakashi didn't even have the will to deny it. "Yea? So what? It's the Hentai Holy Grail! I should be able to see it! I am a Kight of the Hentai Holy Grail and I deserve to see it!" Kakashi continued to rant about how worthy he was.

"You know you could have asked." Allison stated casually as she walked out of the room. "I'll go get it."

Kakashi's eye widened. He…he was finally going to see the Hentai Holy Grail!! Kakashi prepared himself mentally to be in the presence of such an esteemed object. When Allison returned she held a wooden box in her hand. She at down on her knees in front of him and placed the box on the floor.

Kakashi cringed. Something so precious should not be on the floor of such a place. But then he remembered something. "Didn't you say no before?"

Allison shrugged. "Yes…but you didn't ask in the right way."

Kakashi resisted the urge to roll his eye. "And what is the right way to ask?

"So glad you asked! All you have to do is bargain."

"What do you want?"

Allison grinned. "I want you to go on a date with me tomorrow. For the whole day. And you have to wear black spandex shorts with pasta patterns on it. I have a pair in your size."

The girl was creepy. But he wanted to see the Hentai Holy Grail. He yearned for it. And if it meant that the only thing between him and the Grail was this girl, then he would brave the humility of pasta-spandex and a date with the thing from Hell in order to obtain his dream.

"Fine."

Allion's eyes lit up. "Okay." She snapped her fingers and the bindings on his torso disappeared. She got up and walked out the door. But right before she left she said "All that glitters is not gold." And she shut the door; a maniac grin on her face. She was probably planning the next day and was making sure to incorporate chocolate syrup and leather in it.

Kakashi looked at the box placed before him. Now that he was closer to it, he saw something etched in eloquent script on the lid.

It read: Only the worthy may be blessed with the most coveted object on the planet. Millions have searched for it and few have uncovered it. Those who have decided to pass down this knowledge to those who deserve it. Enjoy, worthy Knight, the Hentai Holy Grail.

Kakashi reached towards the lid with shaky hands. He took a deep breath and lifted the lid off. He peered into the box and lifted the object out. Actually, there were many. He looked at all of them until he had had enough and closed his eyes. His reaction was great. He threw his eye open wide and his mouth gaped. His face turned red and his breath came short.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kakahsi cried before running out of the room in search for the demon he had jut sold his soul to. As he did so he dropped the Holy Grail. That was not the Grail. That could not possibly be what millions have sought to uncover. It had to be a hoax.

Back in the room the Holy Grail fluttered to the floor with grace. On it… were pictures of Kakashi, from his childhood, to pictures that seemed fairly recent…like he just had a date with Allison and one picture had him laughing at her recent. And his mask was down because he was eating. In fact, all of the pictures showed his face.

!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*

"Do you think we did a good job?" Alicia asked Dana. The two were sitting on the roof of Ecchi Paradise, watching as Allison was chased out of the store by Kakashi.

"Yes. His face is the most coveted thing ever. And it is one of the sexiest. Besides Deidara of course."

Alicia snorted. "You mean Gaara."

"No…Deidara."

Alicia glared at her friend. "Gaara."

"Deidara."

"Gaara."

"Deidara."

"GAARA!"

"DEIDARA!!!"

They launched at each other. In the middle of the brawl a camera fell from someone's pocket and landed on the ground of the road. And it just so happened that Amane was walking by and saw the silver camera glinting in the light. She picked it up and turned it on. She was assaulted by pictures of Kakashi…naked!

"Hehehe. I can have fun with this." She laughed and headed home…thinking of ways to sell the thing people coveted most for a very high price.

Fin.

Did you like it? Did you hate it? I wanna know! So read and review. Go to DLAYCOMICS on Deviantart for pics for the story made by Dana and Allison and was inspired by me Alicia!


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